Ode to Zardoz

Zardoz, the most brilliantly awful film I have perhaps ever seen. Made in the 70's, starring Sean Connery, in between Bonds, in the future and - I'm so serious I could cry - in a red pair of pants. For the whole film. The flimsiest of premises, the worst acting by extras, a multitude of mind-bogglingly bad crowd scenes, and overall so incredibly terrible it was in fact, quite enjoyable.

In a nutshell, there are a group of people running the show called the Immortals. They wanted to stop the plebs (called the Brutals) from getting in on the good life, so they banished them off so somewhere called the badlands or something.

They sent one of their own to keep them under control, and this guy went around in a massive floating head, pretending to be a god called Zardoz by speaking out of the head in a massive booming voice. So far, so wizard of oz.

What has the stone head got to say? 'The gun is good, the penis is evil'

Sean Connery is one of this God's band of henchmen who go around killing the brutals to keep them under control, all whilst wearing his quite incredible red bikini. He decides to break out of the badlands and gets into the vortex the immortals live in. 

There are all sort of really odd bits about how the penis is mysterious, and a massively awkward scene which revolves around Sean Connery getting an erection when the girl he fancies gets annoyed with him. 

In the end he somehow destroys the exploitative set up those pesky immortals had going on and get the girl. I kind of fell asleep but I think that's the gist of it.

MIND BOGGLING

'Throne of Blood' Kurosawa

Don film-maker Akira Kurosawa made Throne of Blood in 1957. Based on Shakespeare's Macbeth but set in feudal Japan, the story itself is utterly archetypal - talented man (in this case, samurai warrior) is encouraged by his conniving wife, who plays on his secret ambition and feeds his ego, manipulating him to murder his way to the top. The end of this story of brutal ambition is never pretty. The rural Japanese setting has a foggy, gloomy beauty, and the ornate military regalia is stunning, especially the headpieces.

One of the most striking scenes takes place in Spiderweb Forest, where the samurai come into a small clearing. In amidst the towering, dense trees, a hunched witchy old woman sits in a little grotto, singing in a croaky, atonal voice:

"Why should men receive life in this world? Men's lives are as meaningless as the lives of insects, the terrible folly of such suffering. A man lives but as briefly as a flower. Destined all too soon to decay into the stink of flesh. Humanity strives all its days to sear its own flesh in the flames of base desire, exposing itself to Fate's Five Calamities, heaping karma upon karma. All that awaits Man at the end of his travails is the stench of rotting flesh that will yet blossom into flower. Its foul odor rendered into sweet perfume. Oh fascinating the life of man. Oh fascinating."

She slowly spins wool on a spindle as she crouches, surrounded by mist. The figure is entirely white, old and fragile looking, face totally expressionless. The menacing otherworldliness is acheived so simply that it actually resonates, the words delivered so calmly they feel like a curse.

She surprises the warriors by addressing them by name, then foretells their futures. She tells Washizu that he will be Lord of Spiderweb Castle, Miki that his son will one day rule. Then she's gone, leaving the men behind.

Before the final stretch of the ride to Spiderweb castle the samurai talk about the spirit-woman, recapping her predictions, laughing at their ridiculousness, but the unconvincing laughter patently rings hollow. They can barely admit it but the men - especially Washizu - have been touched by the power of suggestion. From this point on in the film, all the tragedy, betrayal and disgrace is absolutely inevitable, although it takes the film's Lady Macbeth, Washizu's wife Asaji, to propel him to betray his samurai honour and slay his master.

Her character, portrayed in traditional Japanese Noh theatre convention, has strong parallels with the spirit-woman. Blank face, crouched, formal, deliberate posture and movements, all come together to leave a sense of real horror at her cold and murderous ambition. She's spell-binding in the scene before the murder of Lord Tsuzuki, when we see her calculating drive and focus give her character an incredible strength and power, dark as it is.